Dear Annie: I've been with "Robert" for three years, we've been through a lot. We've always had financial issues, but six months ago, we had to give up our baby girl for adoption as we couldn't care for her properly.
Emotionally, this has destroyed both of us, but thankfully, I began going to counseling early on, and it has helped. Robert, however, focused on work and is ignoring his feelings on this matter. He has few friends and confided in only one, who then began bullying Robert.
Robert feels very isolated and was hospitalized for severe depression and put on suicide watch. He is currently on medication and waitlisted for counseling. Robert has never been much of a talker, and I fear he will lie or stop going and miss out on the help he needs. Since leaving the hospital, he has been getting progressively worse: screaming, breaking items in our home, crying randomly and cutting out what few friends he has left. He refuses to speak to his family.
I've tried to talk to him, tried to find ways to release his feelings, cried with him and tried to give him his space. Recently, I wrote a letter to his health care provider so he would know what's going on. I want to be supportive of Robert, but I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm running out of ways to help him.
I'm also frightened that focusing on Robert's mental health and living in this environment is hindering my health, as well. I don't want to give up on him. What can I do? - The Other Half
Dear Other: Having to give up a child is heartbreaking, even when done in the child's best interests. Your husband desperately needs bereavement counseling. He also may blame himself for not doing enough to keep his family together, and the guilt could be overwhelming his willingness to seek help. In addition, he may resent your "recovery," which makes it difficult for him to heed your suggestions. You both could benefit from checking information and online discussion forums offered on Concerned United Birthparents (cubirthparents.org), Adoption.org and Adoption.com.
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