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Queen Bee & Mama Bear

March 14, 2012 - Jennifer Brookens
We've all heard the saying of "Mama Bear protects her cubs," and how vicious a mom can be when coming to a child's defense. But this past weekend was the first time I felt it in myself so strongly... so strong that I wanted to decimate another little girl and her parents, people whom I've never met.

For me, it started Friday afternoon, right after picking up my kids from daycare. As I pointed the minivan toward home, my daughter burst into tears. Turns out that another girl was having a birthday party that afternoon, and the majority of the girls in the class had been invited. She wasn't.

Obviously, an "Oh, that's too bad," doesn't even begin to cover it! Once we got home, the heavy heartbreaking sobs began. I felt helpless and broken with her, because there was nothing that could make it better. That's when it kicked in... such an intense anger. I had the phone book, I had the girl's address, and the phone was in my hand... But what would I say? I knew what I wanted to say... I wanted to say or do something that would Hurt, something that would destroy their good time they purposely excluded my daughter from, purposely hurt them back. Logically, I knew better: the damage to my daughter was done, and acting obnoxious would only make us look like the bad ones. But I still wanted to be as petty and mean as this girl had been to mine. To be honest, feeling that intense of a hatred kind of scared me.

After a cooling off period, which involved a few more tears before making fun plans with my daughter and the family for the night, I composed an e-mail to the teacher. (That was the advice from my sounding board of family and friends, who were keeping me from needing an insanity plea). Within five minutes, the teacher called us, and we talked for about 15 minutes. As it turns out, there is a rule at school if the invitations are passed out there, all the boys/girls or the entire class needs to be invited, specifically to avoid situations like this. The invites were either passed out under the radar or on a day the teacher was ill. Either way, she assured me the issue would be addressed. Saturday morning, I got an e-mail from her stating that only five of the girls had shown they were being picked up by this girl's family (with 13 girls in the class, that's less than half, although it's still hurtful to be left out). I told my daughter this, she just looked at me and shook her head "no"...

We'll probably never know the real way it went down, but it was a painful lesson early. I really didn't think I was going to have to deal with Queen Bee/Mean Girls at least for a few more years, and I didn't know I would need to heal broken hearts before boys came into the picture. After an event-packed weekend, my daughter's no longer mentioning it and I am trying to back off and let the wound heal. Now if only I can keep my Mama bear claws and fangs in check, too...


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