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On the road again ...

December 9, 2011 - Lee Smith
I’m sure bad driving is not unique to Fairmont. But the particular habits of our culprits are clear. Here are the types I’ve noticed:

1. Speedy Molasses — In a hell of a mad rush to get out into the flow of traffic, to the point of nearly causing accidents. Then proceeds to drive 10 mph, almost causing more.

2. Cristopher Cross — At the intersection of four-lane roads State Street and Blue Earth Avenue, likes to make right turns into the left lane, or left turns into the right. Figures he paid for all of the lanes, so why not enjoy.

3. Two for one — Usually involves a slothful driver to begin with, who views the two lanes on his or her side of a four-lane as one giant luxury lane. Likes to drift a lot. Just needs roller and black paint to wipe out the lane markers, a la Cosmo Kramer.

4. Back-braker — When leaving a downtown parking stall, begins backing, is horrified to see car waiting (for his parking spot) in lane behind him. Brakes. Starts up again. Sees car still waiting. Brakes. Starts back again. Sees car behind him, still waiting. Brakes ...

5. Left-lane filibuster — On a four-lane, enjoys the left lane A LOT. Especially at 20 mph. Slower traffic move right. Never heard of it.

6. Susie Telephone and the fake left turn — Two weeks ago: Woman on a cell phone in an SUV comes roaring up Prairie Avenue toward intersection of Blue Earth Avenue. Her left turn signal is on. Mine too and she’s coming at me in opposite lane. Somehow my brain warns me not to go. Sure enough, she zooms on through, not making left turn. If I had made mine, I’d be greasy pink spot on crumpled interior. Bad Susie.

7. Mr. Smarty Pants — Since I’ve just made these criticisms of others, I’ll just about guarantee that I’ll be in an accident within the month. Probably be the cause too. Jerk.


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